Oh my goodness..what isn’t there to say about the first trimester. I’m just going to start off by saying it was pure hell. Sorry, I’m not going to be nice. This part of pregnancy straight up sucks. When I spoke to other women and they said they had such an easy pregnancy, I wanted to punch them right in the gutt. If I could describe it in three words it would be Vomit. Sleep. Repeat. I was so squeamish with foods, I always had the worst indigestion, and I was so tired I could probably fall asleep anywhere I was sitting (this included the city bus). My morning sickness would come most of the morning and then again around 6-7pm every night (like clockwork). I just felt so weak all the time and I have a generally high pain tolerance. Pregnancy at the time was just hard for me to tolerate.
Its so unbelievably hard to judge your pregnancy off anyone else’s because, other than common symptoms, everyone truly has a different experience and also experiences each symptom on a different level. I feel like I was just unlucky because most of my friends I talked to said they experienced nausea but didn’t throw up much (and here I was was throwing up sometimes 6 times a day). You name the symptom and I had it. It was so bad at one point my husband heard me faint off the toilet in the bathroom at 3 in the morning and then proceeded to help me throw up while I was soaking with sweat. I was so weak he literally needed to change me and put me back to bed. I knew it couldn’t be this horrible, there was no way pregnancy could possibly be THIS bad!? I was just so sick and tired of being sick and tired! Sometimes the only thing that would make me feel better or that I could “get through” was reading other women’s stories online. Some women needed to stay in the hospital and get IV bags in them, some were throwing up 40 times a day, and all I could think was “okay if I’m only throwing up 6 times a day then in some sense I have it lucky”.
By this time we had our first doctors appointment booked and it was a couple weeks away. I was already refusing to take any sort of gravol, tylenol, or any medication for the symptoms, but I really couldn’t take the nausea and the vomiting anymore. We went to the walk-in clinic and the doctor prescribed me a little pill called Diclectin. She explained they were proven safe to take during pregnancy and that they were small 10 mg tablets that I could take up 8 times a day. I gladly took the prescription but really took notice to its affects. Basically Diclectin messes with the serotonin levels in your brain and helps take the edge off the nausea. Lets start by saying I never even took close to 8 a day. The most I’d take is 4, after that I started to feel spacey and dizzy. Even though I was still throwing up a couple times a day it was a far cry from 6, so I was happy.
Mentally it was really hard for me because I WANTED to be excited. I wanted to be excited about this baby and be an awesome mom but it was so hard to be excited when you just felt so sick all time. I did not feel like myself and I was not happy. I felt disgusting, pale, frumpy, and I was seriously wondering how my husband even thinks I’m attractive. I started to feel so guilty because I had so many family members who were over the moon about our pregnancy and they’d ask “are you excited!?”. Ofcourse I’d say yes but really I was laying on the couch muttering “oh my god just kill me now and get it over with so I don’t need to feel like this anymore”. It made me feel like I was going to be a horrible mother…how could I not be more patient for my unborn child? It almost felt like I was resenting my baby for making me feel so sick and horrible all the time. I had to pretty much force myself to realize that this is just life and my baby is totally innocent and has no idea I am even sick.
However, I was still missing so much work and missing out on so much of my wages. It was impossible for me to get through an 8 hour shift everyday. Taking the bus would make me so motion sick that I would normally throw up on the bus in front of a bunch of strangers. If I managed to get to my work fine then I would end up sitting in the HR office with my head in the garbage. I was even sick in my Assistant Manager’s car on one occasion when he drove me home only an hour after arriving to work. I just wanted to be a good wife and do my part. Instead I couldn’t even get myself up off the couch to shower. If you knew me before my work attendance has always been impeccable. It took a lot for me to call in sick but it got to the point where work suggested Short Term Disability to me.
At our first doctors appointment we heard a strong heart beat (which made it just all more real for us) and learned that I lost a whopping 15 pounds due to how sick I was. After speaking with our doctor we decided it would be best for me to spend some time at home to relax and get better. Hey, I wasn’t going to argue.
Now that I am home and freshly into my second trimester things have improved dramatically. I’m way less stressed and not on my feet all day. I’m still sick once or twice a day (mostly in the morning shortly after I wake up), but there are some consecutive days where I am not sick at all. They come randomly and I try to enjoy them as much as I can when they are here. I’ve learned you just need to wake up, see how you feel and take the good days as they come. Since being at home I’ve been able to enjoy my pregnancy more. My cravings at the very beginning mostly consisted of fruit, specifically apples, pineapple, cold grapes and weirdly enough blueberry pancakes. For some unknown reason just thinking about eating corn chips made me want to vomit. One funny thing me and my husband noticed was that I was starting to love all the food and drinks that he loves, which I previously hated. You wouldn’t have caught me eating salt and vinegar chips, hot sauce, or drinking lemonade.
After our first ultrasound it really started to hit home for us that we were actually having a baby. I started to see my tummy swell right at 12 weeks and it just feels like I can feel it stretch and get bigger everyday. I’m celebrating 94 days of pregnancy today and none of my jeans fit anymore! One thing I am going to say was there was absolutely no way I would have been able to get through these first three months without my husband, my family, and my best friend. From little things like picking me up from work when I was sick, driving me to the clinic, buying me Gatorade and stocking me up on fruit and food. Even helping us with money when I was missing out on my wages. Everyone has been there for me 1000%. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to help me through this. He’s picked up all the extra chores while I’ve been bed ridden, working extra shifts, yet still comes home, feeds me, and rubs my back to sleep every night. If I’m craving something he goes and gets it like a champ and he does it all without complaint. I honestly feel like sometimes I don’t deserve him, but it just makes me so happy to know our child is going to inherit these traits.
Lets just say there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though I am still sick almost daily I am getting way better at managing it. Smaller meals, snacks, fruits & vegetables, LEMON WATER/sparkling water, ginger, and those probiotic yogurt drinks were all things that helped me A LOT. I am out of Diclectin now and I am going to attempt to not get another bottle and just tough it out for the remainder of my pregnancy. I have a feeling now that I am into my second trimester it should only get easier from here. A mother really will go through hell for their child, its unconditional love at its early stages.