The Truth about my Marriage

We Learned How to Argue

Let’s face it, everyone argues differently. Some people want their space, some people want to deal with it right then and there. Realistically it just takes time to get to know someone well enough to know how to handle them or a rising issue. After 3 years together we learned how to argue. Arguing is inevitable, its going to happen if and when. Arguing is actually healthy in a relationship if you know how to do it properly. Bottling things up inside will only make the anger grow and soon there will be a crap load of resentment there. We try not to say things that are mean or that we know will purposefully upset each other and we try to voice our concerns without a tone. Let’s just say it takes a lot of thought and calm, but you get a much more rewarding end result from it. Sometimes when you’re mad, you’re mad and you just need your space; we can respect that too.

We Support Each Others Dreams

Sometimes he’s gone for weeks at a time, some nights he’s at the studio, some nights he’s at band practice or has a local gig. What can I say? He’s a busy guy, but I support his passions and dreams even when I may not be too happy about missing him for weeks. At the same time he supported me through the majority of my design schooling, crying fits, all-nighters, and even now to this day I have changed my career path and he’s continuously supporting me with that. In the end we know it’s what makes the other happy and we relish in that. All we want to do is see each other succeed.

We Have The Same Family Values

This really helps in any relationship. We believe in family time and doing things together. When it comes to raising our daughter we have the same views on how she should be brought up and what our family dynamic will be. Obviously being new parents a lot of things we will learn along the way but it’s nice not to worry about a difference of opinion when it comes to core family values.

We Respect Alone Time

As much as we love each other and love spending all our time together we both know alone time is important too. It’s important not to completely envelope in each others lives and to focus on your own personal needs as well. We can be in the same house but be in completely different rooms doing our own thing and nothing will be taken personally. He knows he can always go out with his friends and he will always allow me to go have some girl time when I need it. We know we always have each other to come back to at home. Dinner has always been an important time for us so we generally make sure we are together for that when we can be. Devoted time to each other is important but space is equally important.

We Don’t Take Each Other for Granted

This pretty much goes hand in hand with appreciation and respect. We each bring our own qualities to the table. I value the small things he does for me everyday and it goes hand in hand with him. Saying “thank you” or just acknowledging little things goes a long way. When you feel appreciated you have no problem with continuing your effort.

We Balance Each Other

He’s the Ying to my Yang. I’m the introvert and he’s the extrovert. While we are similar in many ways and have the same interests when it comes to our personalities we are almost polar opposites. I always have believed this is for the better. He’s extremely social and has endless amounts of friends and acquaintances, while I prefer to be at home and have few but extremely strong friendships. We balance each other out in different ways as well. I tend to manage all the budgeting and business tasks while he tends to deal more with the social tasks (something that I usually dread doing). I found that he has a new appreciation to being at home with our family but at the same time he also completely pushes me to break out of my shell in public.

We Take Interest

We take interests in the others interests. I am always floored when I see how talented he is with music because I know that’s something I could never do (I’ve never been musically inclined). At the same time he was always so encouraging with my design work and loved showing it off to anyone that would see. I love seeing his face when I came home and he tells me he made another song and wants to show me. These are his passions just as when I get excited about something I have done the first thing I want to do is show him. If you don’t take interest in what your partner is doing then don’t expect them to take an interest in you.

We Work as a Team

We each take on chores, laundry, cleaning, cooking. If I am working late and he’s home he will make dinner. If he’s at work and I’m home I’ll do the laundry. When I have been sick and bed ridden in this pregnancy he took on more chores and cooking. We both try to pull our own weight and when the other needs help we are there whether it’s emotionally or physically. We really try not to have everything fall on one person.

We Trust Each Other

Do you know how nice it is to be in a relationship where there is complete trust? Considering this is the first relationship ever where I never have to worry. Trust was never just there at the beginning it took years to build and get to this point. It took mistakes and forgiveness along the way. In the end, we tell each other where we are all the time and we know we are always coming home to each other. We can pick up the others phone or see their social media account and be worry-free. This allows us to just be in our relationship and focus on more important things.

We Stay Open to New Things

You have to roll with the punches. Do you think we expected to get pregnant a week after our honeymoon? Nope! But hey, we rolled with it. We both understand that life happens and we have each other to lean on during stressful times. Life is always moving forward. If you aren’t open to new things or a new adventure then life will remain stagnant and unchanging. Where’s the fun in that?

We Acknowledge Our Mistakes

In the end, when we are having an argument or we know we are doing something that is upsetting the other, “sorry” goes a long way. Without acknowledging your mistakes you cant move forward and there’s no forgiveness. Eventually you just hold it all in and get bitter and resentful. We don’t say sorry unless we mean it and in the end we always make an effort to forgive and move on from it.

We Don’t “Expect” Things

Some things are expected. I expect that he will tell me where he goes and when we plans to come home or I expect that he won’t leave a huge mess at home for me to clean up. These are typical things that are expected out of respect for each other. BUT we don’t just start expecting the other to know what we want and how we feel. We voice it. As soon as you start to just expect your partner to  just know what you are feeling or what you want then you’re just going to get upset if he/she just doesn’t clue into your cues and you’ll be wondering why they don’t care. If you’re upset about something, say it. If you’re unhappy, voice it. Nothing can be changed if its not acknowledged.

 

I’m no relationship guru. I’m in no way trying to brag about how great my relationship is. The truth about my marriage is that it’s hard work, but it’s hard work you are willing to put in and that’s what we go out of our way to do everyday. It pays off in the end, you have someone who appreciates you, trusts you, respects you, and brings you joy. I am lucky I have found someone who cares enough to put the effort in and that it’s not a one way street. The truth is I couldn’t see myself doing life with anyone else and I only get excited thinking about our life with our daughter in the years to come.

 

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The Art of doing Nothing: 20 Weeks of Pregnancy

Have you ever watched or read Eat Pray Love? One of my favorite scenes is when she’s in Italy and learns the phrase “la dolce far niente” in Italian which means “the art of doing nothing” or “the sweetness in doing nothing”. As I’ve been coming to the end of my time off work I feel as though I have mastered this very mind set. I’m going to be honest and say I had no idea how stressed and anxious I actually was until I was physically removed from my work environment and had a solid two months to focus on my health. Focusing on my health eventually lead to a realization that for the longest time I wasn’t truly loving myself. It was always go, go, go, be productive, don’t be lazy. What I was really doing was running myself into the ground. Stress headaches were an everyday occurrence, trouble sleeping. I’m sure like most people, I couldn’t shut my mind off at night.

After being diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum and going through 3 months of hell, not leaving my bed, and loosing 15 pounds my energy started to return. My Ah Ha! moment was when I was standing in my kitchen at 11:30 in the morning (drinking my 1 allotted cup of coffee a day) just leaning against the counter talking to my husband while he was making himself breakfast and I felt totally content. I was completely happy with just standing there soaking in and appreciating the moment when normally I would be planning the 50 things that I would need to do that day. The phrase “enjoy the little things” took on a whole new meaning in my life. Before when I was stressed I was just doing whatever I had to do to just get through the day and make it to tomorrow. Daily enjoyment was slowly slipping away with a stiff routine.

I learned there needs to be a balance between productivity and self-love. Its about making time for everyday chores and also time for yourself. This time to myself opened up my routine to things like meditation, yoga, reading more, even doing things like napping just because I can! (cause God knows I won’t be sleeping much when the babe comes). With my free time I was able to put more time into meal planning, exploring different healthier recipes, clean eating. Especially after finding out I was pregnant I wanted to eat the best I can and give my babe the best. I also wanted to make sure I didn’t gain an unreal amount of baby weight at the end of 9 months. Clean eating has actually been easy because most of my cravings have included mass amounts fresh fruits and vegetables, pancakes, and yogurt. And when I say mass amounts of fruits I’m not kidding…it gets eaten quick. When I’m craving something savory, which isn’t to often, its poutine or fries (specifically sweet potato fries). When I want something for that sweet tooth I made my own apple crisp with the bags (and I mean BAGS) of apples we buy. I’m really lucky that my husband is being so open to try new things and eat better along with me.

These meals here included stuffed peppers with quinoa and grilled vegetables, cabbage “steaks”, and healthy pancakes made with oats, greek yogurt, banana, and blueberries.

When it came to my 4th month of pregnancy I was finally in a place where I could start to enjoy it. I was noticing my nails were rock hard and growing like crazy, along with my hair. I was nesting hardcore but because we are in the process of moving I couldn’t nest! Nesting turned to packing, which isn’t horrible because we are now super prepared for when we do move in a month or so. I know once we are in the new place I will be right back into nesting and getting the nursery ready. It wasn’t until about week 17/18 that I started peeing like a race horse and feelings movements and kicks constantly.

OH HEY we also found out the gender

We were pretty certain for a long time because EVERY gender myth you’ve heard when it comes to a girl was my situation. Hyperemesis gravidarum, I am squeamish with meat, craving sugar, higher bpm during our doctor check ups. It all pointed to a bouncing baby girl and we were right!

I’m officially half way through my pregnancy and its crazy to think that in 20 more weeks we will have our little gremlin here. Sometimes it still randomly hits me like a ton of bricks that I’m creating a tiny human. My one goal with going back to work is to not allow myself to get into a stressed out routine similar to what I put myself in before. I don’t want to forget this content feeling.