After waking up and feeling a bit queasy I spent $3 and went to work, only to run off the bus, throw up, walk to work, throw up again in the bathroom, then spend $35 just to cab home. Waste of time, waste of a day, waste of money. On top of that feeling frustrated I can’t just have a normal day, ashamed that I felt like I was disappointing my fellow employees, and annoyed knowing my pay check will be crap. After 6 months the novelty has worn off. I’m going to say it and I am not ashamed whatsoever, I don’t like being pregnant.
Don’t get me wrong, I am SO EXCITED to meet my daughter and be a mom. Creating life really is a beautiful concept, but the process itself for some is just not enjoyable. On top of the typical symptoms like back pain, constipation, cramps, baby brain, hormonal mood swings and just feeling all around shitty, I am also still dealing with constant morning sickness (which decides to come sporadically in the day as well as right after I wake up).
I’m sure for most women the fun wears off around the 8th/9th month, but I’m going to be real and say its been a battle for me to try to enjoy this right from the beginning. When people ask if I am planning on having another I want to give them a swift punch to the gut. “Oh but after you’re holding your baby you wont be thinking about all the pain and heartache!”, they say. My only reply is “I’m sure as hell going to remember throwing up everyday, multiple times a day for 9 months”. The 20-40 hours of labor is one thing, tough it up and push that baby out! But dealing with daily morning sickness for almost a year is literally an emotional battle. Some days I wake up feeling strong and capable “Oh what? 3 more months, whatever I’ve come this far!” and others I lay in bed all day, cry, wondering when I will finally feel like my normal self again.
I am tired of complaining to my family and friends as I am sure they are tired of hearing the same thing everyday. At the same time, I feel like its difficult to take advice from someone who really doesn’t understand how you feel as they did not experience the same symptoms as you, especially to this magnitude. It’s been increasingly easy to isolate myself and push away others. Also with all our family being so spaced around the province I am starting to realize we will be getting less family support than we thought.
Lately it has felt a lot worse because of the added stress of trying to move. We have yet to find a place to live and need to be out by the end of the month. Laying awake at night staring at the ceiling for hours wondering if we are going to have a place to go or be homeless. It has all taken a toll, my morning sickness feels like its going rampant and the lack of sleep is only making me feel worse. Lesson learned; stress just makes you sicker!
Guys, pregnancy sucks. I said it, I’m not ashamed. I’m sure its better for some people but for me, its been half a year of staring down the bottom of my toilet. I know its all worth it in the end and I can’t wait to meet my girl, but damn, this has definitely been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.